For Immediate Press Release
Thawing Eastern Steppe, Mongolia
April 2nd, 2009
This past Monday at 7:05PM Eastern Standard Time, a stunning artisan-pressed mint-grade platinum plaque on Ebony African Blackwood was commissioned and placed at the entrance to the Hellstrom Foundation headquarters to thank the philanthropist and friend of the Foundation for his generous donation of the Chase Vaughan Wireless Connection to the Travis Hellstrom Experience. This response comes directly from the desk of the Chase Vaughan Foundation:
I am happy to hear that wireless has at last come to the Travis Hellstrom Experience! I believe, in the end, that it was hope and change that finally made internet stream magically through the air like the flowing waters of the staff-stricken boulders of Moses. Now, with your new no-strings-attached approach to surfing the web, I believe it will be possible to bring the internet to brand new levels, such as the level of your bed, or the level of the floor, or even the occasional level of the bathroom with the door shut. I wish the press to know that I bestow this invaluable contribution with magnanimous humility and steadfast character. Like the frowning visage of the also great George Washington, carved in pure patriotic resolve, I hold this truth to be self evident: that all love was created wireless. In our lifetimes, we have witnessed many great human achievements such as Youtube, Crocs, and the McGriddle. But these all pale under the presence of the proud CVWC, which sits on a podium above history's greatest commissions. Never have I received anything with such personal gratification as the historic launch of the Chase Vaughan Wireless Connection and the commission of its stunning artisan-pressed mint-grade platinum plaque on Ebony African Blackwood chronicling Chase Vaughan's inspiring struggle as an attractive upper middle-class white male fighting against all odds to make his way in America. This may be the honor that finally qualifies Chase Vaughan to refer to himself in the third person. And so it is Chase Vaughan's great honor to accept your sufficient accolades and adoration for a revolution well done.
May your loins be fruitful in the belly of your women.
Pretentiously Yours,
~His Wirelessness, Chase A. Vaughan"Love is Always Wireless."
