Goal-Free Living by Stephen Shapiro
Looking at goals, success and ambition less as goals and more as aspirations.
My review (2006)
After finishing Goal-Free Living last week, I have found myself looking at goals, success and ambition in very different ways. I am still Travis Hellstrom, Planner/Organizer/Prioritizer, but I am also looking at things more as aspirations and less as goals. One of the analogies Stephen Shapiro uses in his book concerns birthdays and large groups of people. How big of a group, he asked, does it take before you are highly likely to have two people with the same birthday? The number is 22. Not too huge huh? Well what about if you wanted two people with a particular birthday, like January 1st. How big of a group would you need then? The number is in the hundreds.
His analogy was that the difficulty of something coming out exactly as we might like it might be slim, while the likelihood of it coming out just fine might be very good. If we are open to possibilities we are more likely to find what we are looking for, just maybe not exactly what we expected. Other tips included Use a compass, not a map, Trust that you are never lost, Remember that opportunity knocks often, but sometimes softly, Want what you have, Seek out adventure, Become a people magnet, Embrace your limits and Remain detached. Some of these are obvious but some will require reading the book, which I highly recommend. Coming from such a Goal-Oriented person that’s saying something, believe me.
Watch my video review
Years later I got to sit down with Stephen himself for my Everyday Humanitarians conference — here’s that conversation:
The 8 secrets, explained
Stephen Shapiro drove 12,000 miles over 90 days and interviewed 150 people about how they lived happy, fulfilling lives. His conclusion: goals aren’t bad, but goals without aspirations lead to frustration, and chasing the next target can keep you from enjoying the life you have. Here are his eight secrets.
- Use a compass, not a map. Know the direction you want to go, but don’t script every turn. Wander, experiment and find new ways to reach what you care about.
- Trust that you are never lost. Detours aren’t failures. Every path teaches you something and often leads somewhere better than the plan.
- Remember that opportunity knocks often, but sometimes softly. Opportunities are everywhere if you’re paying attention. The birthday puzzle in my review is his point: exactly what you planned is unlikely, but something good is very likely.
- Want what you have. Happiness comes from appreciating your life now, not from waiting for the next milestone.
- Seek out adventure. Try new things, say yes more often, and treat life as an experiment.
- Become a people magnet. The right people open doors no plan could. Be someone others want to be around and help.
- Embrace your limits. Constraints aren’t the enemy; they focus you and spark creativity.
- Remain detached. Care deeply about what you do, but don’t cling to one particular outcome.
Resources
- Goal-Free Living at Stephen Shapiro’s website
- A cousin of this idea: Essentialism, summarized
- More book summaries and reviews on Books I Love