The Hardest Year of My Life

This has been one of the hardest years of my life, something of an identity crisis.

In many ways, this was inevitable. When you've had the best year of your life, or several best years in a row, it makes sense that it would come to an end at some point.

I don't mean that to be depressing. It's not.

Having an incredible year feels like reaching a peak. You are on the top of a mountain, standing in a place you have always wanted to stand or dreamed of standing.

Peace Corps was like that for me. Every year seemed like a new peak, I felt clarity and purpose as I stood on top of a great mountain of projects and work I loved, beside friends I loved being around. Being in Mongolia I had some of the best years of my life and I knew that when I was experiencing it, which is an amazing thing. I will always be grateful for that.

Coming Down

Maybe one of the hardest things about climbing a mountain is coming back down. Trying to live your old life and step into an old way of being.

From what I hear coming back to America is always tough for Peace Corps Volunteers, but I bet it's tough for anyone who has traveled and lived abroad for a significant amount of time. You wrestle with who you were there and who you are here. Who are you becomes less of a certainty and more of an evolving story.

When I began Advance Humanity in fall of 2011, the month I finished Peace Corps, it was a one year project. I had goals I wanted to reach and over the course of the year I exceeded each of them. It was a wonderful year.

In fall of 2012 I began graduate school and again had goals I wanted to reach, but I wasn't as clear about them and didn't write them down. They included things like doing well in classes, being a good husband and supporting Tunga as she lived in America for her first year, having fun outside of class, spending more time with my family, traveling, helping with clubs and events on campus, being an RA and a few other things. Truth be told, if I had made a list, it would have been too long. That's never a good thing.

As I finished classes Advance Humanity resurfaced not as the project it once was but as an organization. During graduate school I had met wonderful people I enjoyed working with including professionals and classmates and began to put what we were learning in class into practice. Together with a few of these classmates I incorporated Advance Humanity as a benefit corporation. The idea was move beyond simply inspiring our community and begin empowering everyday humanitarians  as they went out and made a difference in the world.

As you might imagine, starting a company is no small task, especially in America. There are taxes, contracts, incorporation documents and a host of other things that you have to consider. In some ways I was in over my head. Luckily I was surrounded by people I enjoyed working with and they were willing to be patient with me as we figured things out together.

Going Back Up

Now we reach fall of 2013, today, and it's been two years since my mini-retirement in Mongolia. I sit in the beautiful mountains of Vermont as the leaves change to brilliant shades of yellow, orange and red and I write this to say I'm still figuring things out.

Part of me wishes that everything was simple and perfect, all planned out like it might have been had I gone to medical school. First you get accepted, then you do two years of coursework, then two years of clinicals, then three years of residency or more, then step into a clinic or hospital and begin working as a doctor. There are precise dates and requirements at every step and, like them or not, they provide perfect predictability.

However another part of me doesn't wish that at all. The fact that life isn't simple, perfect or planned out means we all have a chance to make our own lives. We get to live how we want, change things up, make a difference, improve the system, fight the man or whatever else you might be into. Even if you are in a residency with set hours and multi-year commitments, you still have a choice. You can be a cog or you can be a person. You can wake up every morning like an automaton or you can wake up excited for the day, ready to take it and slap it around a little bit to wake it up. There are things that need to get done, a world that needs you and people who need your help.

Making a Difference

Being an everyday humanitarian means making a difference and being awesome everyday, like it's your job. You don't need millions of dollars to do it and you don't have to sacrifice your breakfast to do it either. Small choices we make every day matter more than big write-offs at tax season or sizable anonymous donations.

I believe that two people can hold the same job and be worlds apart in the way that they serve others through it. A good doctor and a bad doctor, just like a good teacher and a bad teacher, can have the same education, tools, and salary. The difference is deeper than that.

What drives them? How do they treat people? How many people would describe them as being awesome?

Truth be told, sometimes I wonder if I should have gone to medical school. I could have and I still could.

Being a doctor was something I thought I had to be, something I was perfect for. I was good at it, I had volunteered, trained and shadowed for hundreds and thousands of hours and people all around me told me I would be a great doctor (including friends of mine who are doctors now). I have a feeling you, reading right now, have been told you would be a great ______ at some time in your life. Insert lawyer, teacher, accountant, chef, mother, father, artist, or anything of your choice.

It can be confusing to be told that. Does that mean you are supposed to be that?

Maybe, but probably not.

Being Who You Are

Who you are is deeper than what you do.

I'm sure you would be and could be a great many things.

Also, an interesting idea to consider, had you lived in another time in history (500, 100 or 50 years ago) I bet you would have been a great many other things as well.

Think about it for a second, had you lived at the dawn of the American republic, in the age of Benjamin Franklin the candlemaker / editor / writer / organizer / statesman / diplomat / scientist / discoverer of the gulf stream and much more, what would have been a dream job for you?

Chances are it would have been something completely different than what you might choose today, but you still could have been very happy and successful at it.

All this is to say, there is probably no one perfect thing that each of us should do but rather a combination of wonderful things.

I loved being a Peace Corps Volunteer and it was perfect for me. The challenge now is to find the next wonderful thing and the awesome thing after that.

I look forward to sharing that journey with you here at the dawn of Advance Humanity in the story of Travis Hellstrom the student / writer / volunteer / husband / entrepreneur / humanitarian / discoverer of much, much more.

An Easy Guide to Waking Up Early

by Travis Hellstrom

It's been three weeks since my wife and I moved back to Vermont after a wonderful summer with my family in North Carolina. The cozy town of Woodstock has been very welcoming and right now in particular, it's the most beautiful time of the year.

My wife has started an exciting new job that she loves and I'm in my second year of graduate school in what is called our practicum phase. During this phase we gain experience outside the classroom (many students travel around the world) while writing our thesis over a minimum six month period. As a Peace Corps Fellow, I'm consulting with several organizations here in Vermont, as well as launching my own benefit corporation Advance Humanity with some amazing friends.

Early to Rise

One of my favorite things about living here is a surprise perk from my wife's job: she starts work very early. Some mornings we are up at 4am, other mornings at 6am. I've never woken up before dawn so consistently in my life (but I've always wanted to).

For me, getting up early means:

• Early morning writing
• Reading when it's nice and quiet
• Easy meditation environment
• Watching as the sun rises
• Letting my mind and body slowly adjust to the day
• Feeling nice and tired at night

The trouble with waking up early is a lot like the trouble with exercise, it seems a lot harder than it is. In nerdy biology lingo we would say the "activation energy" is very high. Like pushing a heavy box or broken down car, it takes more initial force to get it moving than it does to keep it moving. Once it's going, it starts to push itself.

Getting Out the Door

Waking up early seems to work the same way. We all know once you get up and jump/fall/stumble into the shower, things seem to roll along from there. Once I get up the hardest part is over. Shower, breakfast and we're out the door. Like Leo says, to exercise don't think about the run, just put on your shoes and walk out the door. The rest follows. It really is that simple.

Here are some things that have helped me jump start the process:

• Set the alarm the night before
• Pick an alarm you enjoy (ex: soft, energizing music)
• Put the alarm far from your bed so you have to get up to turn it off
• Immediately go to the bathroom, shower, kitchen to do something
• Make the bed before you leave for the day

Each of these things make it harder to go back to sleep or even think about sleep and your body will learn to be your ally as you do this day after day. Surprisingly, you don't have to make yourself go to bed early either.

Early to Bed

Some people say if you want to wake up early you have to go to bed early, but I think it's the other way around. Just go to bed when you are tired. I never force myself to go to sleep. I just force myself to get up.

You will naturally get more tired earlier in the day if you wake up early consistently. I fall asleep easily within 5 minutes every night and have never needed to use sleep medicine. And I don't drink anything to stay awake for that matter either. I like coffee, especially the smell of it, but I always drink it decaffeinated with lots of creamer. People who love coffee can't watch me drink it. I'm an abomination.

Healthy, Wealthy & Wise

The positive affect of waking up so early on my reading and writing has been particulary enjoyable. I'm much more relaxed the rest of the day, get a lot more done and I'm a lot more fun to be around. I'm happy to trade a few hours at night for a few hours in the morning.

If you think you might feel the same, give it a try.

Wake up thirty minutes earlier tomorrow than you normally would and spend it doing something you enjoy.

Good luck!

How I Stopped Biting My Nails

by Travis Hellstrom

My whole life, for as long as I can remember, I've been a nail-biter.

It's been the thing I've been most ashamed of and the habit I've tried to break the longest. I picked it up somewhere along the way (possibly from my grandmother who still bites her nails today) and for over 20 years it's been part of who I am. But not any more.

I haven't bitten my nails in two months and I don't intend to start ever again.

Here I'd like to explain how I failed for so many years and finally succeeded in changing this difficult habit.

Years of Failed Attempts

I tried to stop many times over the years and even succeeded for a few weeks at a time. But I always went back to biting my nails. I couldn't stop. I tried everything you could think of to stop and joined thousands of people in trying to concoct ways to put an end to my unconscious habit:

• Nail polish that made my nails taste terrible
• A rubberband on my wrist that I would pull back and snap hard every time I did it
• Having my friends and family tell me when I was doing it
• Using major life events like wearing a ring to inspire the change
• Keeping my hands in my pockets
• Taking out a notepad every time I bit my nails so I would write instead

These and other creative solutions failed.

They work for some people, but they didn't work for me.

A New Perspective

Two months ago my wife inspired me to look at the situation a little differently.

Instead of pointing at me and telling me to stop, or hitting my wrists, or anything like that, she just observed it quietly for years. She never told me it was okay, or that I should change, that she liked it or hated it. She was just present with me about it.

When I told her I couldn't stop, she listened. When I told her I wanted to, she listened. And when there were days that my nails hurt (which is almost all the time for people who bite their nails), she was sympathetic. She was compassionate without being judgmental. That was the first step and the thing I had failed to ever do for myself.

Insight

When I started being compassionate with myself, understanding and trying to be objective, I stopped judging myself and thinking I was a bad person. I know that might sound crazy, but I hated that I bit my nails and in some small way because of that I hated myself. Being compassionate led to several very interesting insights:

1. There wasn't just one cause - For the longest time I thought my nail-biting was the result of nervousness, anxiety and/or some weird kind of self-punishment. The truth is, in my case, nail-biting was more of a cleanliness issue.
2. I wanted to keep my nails clean - I know it sounds odd, but I really liked my nails to be clean and biting them was one way to guarantee they would stay that way. It is rational in a weird way, like cutting your grass down to the dirt could keep the weeds away I suppose, but once I realized this I had a chance to readdress the issue.
3. If I wanted them to be clean, there was a better way - I had briefly considered other options in the past, but always didn't know enough or was embarrassed to seek out help. I didn't want to go to a nail salon and I didn't know a lot about cleaning, cutting or tending to nails. Luckily my wife did.
4. Getting help can be as easy as asking for it - I told my wife that I really wanted to take care of my nails but didn't know how and asked if she could help. She was happy to.
5. Having a partner is very important - Once Tunga agreed to take care of my nails for me (which took about 5 minutes a day) I was able to stop worrying about them and focus on other things. She was wonderful about it, happy to help, and did a much better job than I could do.
6. Rewards are very important - I made a deal with myself (and my wife) that if I didn't bite my nails for two weeks I could get a small computer gadget that I was really excited about. It was expensive enough ($40) that I had been avoiding getting it for a while, but reasonable enough that I was really excited to use it as a reward. This worked out perfectly.
7. Focus on the positive habit and reward - As soon as I had the positive habit (having someone clip my nails in a healthy way) and a reward in place, they were the only things I focused on. Every time I thought of biting my nails, I would wait until my wife clipped them instead or if it was more urgent I would ask her if she wouldn't mind clipping them now. This happened once or twice the first few days, but didn't happen much after that.
8. Reward yourself - Once I reached the two week mark I was very excited to pick up my gadget and then I set up a new reward for two weeks later. Once I reached that, it had been a month and my desire to bite my nails was completely gone. My new habit was in place and I started thinking about how to write this article.

Understanding

I realize writing this article that I have read this almost exact advice before. Leo at ZenHabits is really great about creating new habits and I've always loved his articles, but I think I got caught on the first step. Being compassionate with yourself can take years, maybe even a whole lifetime. Like I said, it was my wife's understanding that inspired me to look at the situation differently. It's a very hard thing to do alone.

Changing a habit is very easy, but I hope looking at these steps is helpful for you.

It's an incredible feeling to change a lifelong habit and I wish you the very best in changing a habit in your life, whatever that may be.