It's so loud inside my head with words that I should have said.
As I drown my regrets, I can't take back the words I never said.
I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence,
Fear is such a weak emotion, that's why I despise it,
We're scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth,
So scared of what you'll think of me, I'm scared of even telling you,
Sometimes I'm like the only person I feel safe to tell it to,
I'm locked inside a cell in me, I know that there's a jail in you,
Consider this your bailing out…
I feel very grateful for being surrounded by incredible people who inspire me, but more importantly people who accept me for who I am and encourage me to be true to myself. I'm talking about you. Thank you.
My dream when I started writing this blog seven years ago (seven years ago!) was to share my experiences with others who I cared about - friends and family I was away from during college, my new friends I had just started meeting and people I hadn't met yet. I wanted to write about things that mattered to me, things I believed in and dreams that I hadn't quite figured out how to achieve. It was easier in the beginning when I knew no one was reading. I wrote a lot. But, as more people read what I wrote, it got harder.
The lyrics above come from Lupe Fiasco's new album, which my friend Todd shared with me. They remind me of how it feels to be nervous, to hold back, to sit in silence. Admittedly, I haven't always written everything I've wanted to. It's surprisingly hard to just be yourself.
But then, people come along who push you. Encourage you. Tell you to try. As Albert Schweitzer famously said, "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." I feel lucky to have the support of those kind of people, some of them have been friends for years and some I just met today.
It can be difficult to put yourself out there, to really speak your mind and search after the truth, but I think it's important that all of us take that chance and try. I'm right here with you, seven years and running.