How Far Will You Go?

I love my laptop a lot and the opportunities it affords me, like sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine, win, weather and environment while typing and looking around all at the same time. I don’t even have to look at the screen to see what I am typing, I can just type and think and look around. I can’t do this with writing. I have to think about every word I write and watch it to make sure I am writing in the lines. I suppose I could get better at it and be able to write and not look at the paper, but I think that would be hard. This typing has come easily to me however ad I can do it with very little thought. In fact, I can almost type at the speed I think. Atleast, I can type much closer to that speed than I could if I were writing.

The reason I came outside to type, to sit and to think outside alone at all is that I often just do’t do it. I sit inside the house, or inside my room, or inside my classrooms at school and I am overcome with the darkness, or the sounds, or the expectations, responsibilities and chores. At home it is the trash, the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning up. In my room at school it is the writing e-mails, vacuuming the carpet, completing assignments, answering calls, finishing projects, filling out goals and talking with friends and neighbors. In the classroom it’s sitting sit, raising my hand, writing notes, answering questions, completing assignments, paying attention and smiling, laughing, grinning, smirking and blankly staring. When I’m at home I dream of adventures gone by and often get excited about having new adventures. At school I long for late night Gamecube excursions and hours and hours of frisbee playing. In the classroom I want to stand up on the desk, yell crazy caveman-like howl and rip open all of the curtains. I want to live outside and bask in the sunlight, run in the rain, dance in the snow, roll in the leaves, play in the dirt and fly against the wind. In so many ways I want to liberate myself from the confines of our society, culture, traditions and values. I want to smack off all of the excess pettiness that has clung to the core of what we all live for in the first place. I want to pull off all the excess layers of make-up and clothing and masks and accessories that distance me from those around me I love. I want to yell my feelings, whisper my dreams and embrace my true self around all of my neighbors instead of sitting quietly and raising my hand with the right answer. I want to get out of bed excited, I want to eat breakfast and taste it, I want to live throughout the day and feel it. I want to enjoy my life because I’m living and experience the journey because I’m journeying and I think I can do it. I think we can all do it a little at a time and a tiny bit each day. We all get the little feelings and the little inklings to do weird little things…like sitting on the driveway in a fold up chair with your laptop. Soon the inkling might be weirder and weirder and like my dad says, whatever you do it gets easier to do the next time. If you do what you want it will get easier to do what you want the next time. If you don’t do what you want, it will get easier to not do it the next time. Life is calling, how far will you go?